guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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