Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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