Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
