she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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