a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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