Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
