The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Floor bacon is actually really good
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
