I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
