i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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