It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We are two peas in an std pod
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
