After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
