i already hear my dad disowning me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
