I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
