Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
