Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
