it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
