i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
