Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
