i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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