theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm at about main and main street
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
