Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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