if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
