I showed him my bush... on skype.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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