i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
