You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
