im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
