It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
