They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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