no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize