I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
