Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
