So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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