As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All the doctor said was why
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
