Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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