You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
