Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
