Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
