Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
