So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
