Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They have beer where we have blood.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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