I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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