My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
