you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
