he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
