And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
