I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
