Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
