loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
