so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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