TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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