And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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