tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
