I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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