Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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