Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
