I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
