New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
