So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
