nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you will always have a special place in my vag
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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