"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
