do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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