so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
