I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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