i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
