New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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