FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
