I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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